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dark times...

A lot of my life I spend wondering.  Worrying would be more accurate, but wondering usually fits the bill.

And sometimes I wonder about scary things (death, bad things, karma, my soul, stuff like that) or I wonder about my future (how great I'll be, how I'm going to fuck it all up, etc) or I wonder about the good things to happen.  Usually, this wondering leaves me a little bit better, maybe a little more lost, but hopefully happier.

And other day's, it slaps me in the face and makes me it's bitch. 

I had a terrible day, which I could have easily prevented, and because I didn't stop and think, I screwed it up.  But! it also reminded me that people take things too seriously and that I worry more than I should and that and that and that...

*sigh* Life is difficult sometimes.  I've been knocked down more times then I can count and I don't know what pulls me back up anymore.  Do I push myself off the ground?  Do I do it for my friends? My family? Because I'm too scared to go deeper into the dirt?

I don't really know.  I wish I did have an answer; something to impart to the world, to help one person realize that they also have a comrade in pain.  But I don't have that answer. 

I guess this also ties to my views in religion... I believe in God, I need to, or I'd be much more worse off.  And so I thank him, whenever I remember to, for my friends, for my loved one's lost and my family and for my hero's.  

I don't really know where I'm going with this.

But it feels a bit better to say it.

Shout Outs: Glen Hansard, The Airborne Toxic Event, Smashing Pumpkins, My Friends, The Raccoon Society and Mat Devine

--Miss Red


Population: Me.

Sorry y'all, I've been lazy busy lately.  I've been cleaning out my grandparents house and finally starting to work on memorizing my monologue for the audition and watching the Colbert Report (It's my new addiction) and reading good blogs and going on college visits (Columbia is a ll I've ever dreamed of and Roosevelt is cool but looks like the Shining was partially filmed there) and continuing the Job Search From Hell. 

Yeah.  Stuff.

Current songs that are saving my life:
  - "One Trillion Dollars" by Anti-Flag.  A really good band who is like a Hardcore version of Green Day, this song reminds me that money sucks ass.  Even though I like monies....
 - "Internet Killed the Video Star" by the Limousines.  True story, this music video is awesome.  Involves zombies.  Also, a true anthem for the rockers of today saddened by the excessive use of 808 drums....

Funny thing I'm re-watching again, Blades Of Glory.  I don't care what you say, but Will Farrel is hilarious.  Some of those lines are just classic!  "No exaggeration, I could not love a human baby more then I love this brush" "I totally want to cut off your skin and wear it to my birthday... It's coming up..." "Remember how they used to be alive?"  Classic.  

Classic like this commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HblFjj_HM84
Love that song ("Jump Around" by House Of Pain) and that's totally how I'd be chilling on the moon.

Question: Is it depressing that I rank getting a boyfriend as important as getting a job?

Answer: Probably.

Miss Red

Writer's Block: Super Computer

What do you wish your computer or laptop could do much better than it does now?

More battery life.  And better Bluetooth for my headphones....

busy busy day...

I've got college visits to two schools today, Columbia and Roosevelt, we were going to be taking in the train but that's turned into driving.  Joy.  I love the train.  Especially being able to take it into Chicago.  I love New York City, don't get me wrong, but once a Chicago Girl always a Chicago Girl.

Been listening to some good new music, specifically the Naive Thieves and Manchester Orchestra, working on some more art pieces.  They're not much to look at, but it's good practice.  NT is a great band, embodying all the things we like about Hawaii without being overly cheesy or hokey or sounding like nevershoutnever!, whom I dislike greatly.  Manchester Orchestra, who recently put out Mean Everything to Nothing and is easily the best album of the year, is an excellent band hailing from Atlanta, Georgia.  Songs "100 Dollars" "She Found A Love" "Slow To Learn" "Wolves at Night" "Shake it Out" "Girl With Broken Wings" "Play it Again Sam! You Don't Have Any Feathers" "La-Di-Da" "Golden Ticket" are being heavily replayed. 

Also, if I'm going to jam to anything, it's going to be the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer Theme Song" by Nerf Herder.  I am a major ninties kid. 

Kinda weird when you think about it, I prefer ninties music and style while my sister loves the eighties.  And gay black men, but that's a whole 'nother story.

Worked on cleaning out some of my grandparents stuff, took a buncha their records, including classics like Sunny and Cher, and Colonel Sander's Christmas.  I'm not even making that up.  And in addition to such timeless classics as that, they also had over forty records with the words "German", "polka" or "Polish" in the title.  If I count the ones with Christmas, it's over 100. 

I've picked out my monologue for the audition, now I just have to memorize it.  Shouldn't be too hard considering it's smaller than my first one.  But telling myself I'm going to memorize it has distracted me from doing any of my summer work, not that I would be doing it anyway.  I'm a terrible procrastinator.

Still getting ear-raped by my mom about the job hunt.  Course now she tells me she could have gotten me an internship at her office for 18$/hour.  Thanks.  But I'm going to be cut off/made to pay my cellphone bill when I turn 18 this year, which isn't unreasonable, so I'll be without a phone (which would be even more devastating if I did tell her I want a new iPhone for my birthday as I would just have to let it run out.) coming this school year, when I plan to be doing all this extracurricular stuffs.  Nice.  So, once again, I fail at life; why can't I just get a fucking job and be done with it?  Because I'm a rather useless person with all the wrong cards.  Check my previous entries, I don't want to depress myself again.

Other than that, life is okay.  Gotta drive the family to Iowa so my mom can drag us all around for her reunions.  I don't really care, I just want to drive for extended periods of time with my music going. 

Suddenly more unhappy then when I started this post,
Miss Red

Writer's Block: Life with Technology

What's your favorite example of how technology has made your life better?

Having all my music fit in the pocket of my jeans.  As much as I would like to say that it would be cool to live in a different era where you don't have the amazing apple goodness that is the iPod, I would not be able to make it.  Music is part of my soul and I don't think I'd be able to wait to hear it on the radio, or travel to the opera house to listen to one song. 

Writer's Block: Spare Time

Has technology and the Internet given you more or less free time? What's the biggest change? If your phone could make video calls, would you use that feature? Why or why not?

It depends on what I'm going on teh interwebs for.  IF I'm going on to just check my email, I'll probably only spend an hour doing that and checking the thirty websites I check daily.  But, if I go on just to kill some time, I will go searching for something to occupy my time.  And I don't mean dinky flash games or fml.com.  I mean, searching for online art magazines that I can afford (i.e. free) and then spending three or four hours reading back issues of said magazines in Finnish.  Or something that looks like Finnish.  Thank God they have the English translations next to it. 

The biggest change is the sheer amount of random information you can find/discover/search for on the internet.  I'm pretty sure I'll be subscribing to Google as my new religion in a couple of years.

I don't think I would use a video calling feature as much, but it would definitely be a perk.  Bring back face to face conversing I say!!  Just not in the way most of us expected... ;P

it's been a while

Sorry folks, been a little preoccupied with life. 

Last week, I had my wisdom teeth removed.  Ugh.  And the week before that I was in Miami, and this week I have to stat preparing for my audition and two college visits.


Some Good News:
- I've been offered a substantial, renewable scholarship to go to one of my top choices in Chicago, my ideal school persay
- I might get into a super special edition of my school's Monologue Show
- Music is still being awesome and free indie stuff (Some Excellent finds: "Paris (Oh La La)" by Grace Potter & The Nocturnals and "Obsessed  With You" by The Orion Experience)
- Lots and lots of Robeks smoothies :D

Some Bad News:
- I have to audition with my monologue memorized.  Very nervous about this.
- Part of my jaw is numb from the pressure on my nerve via the wise teeth.
- My sister is being 18 new levels of bitchdom ever since her friends decided that they don't mind me hanging around and that I might be getting a scholarship.  Nice job Cait.
- I've got two books to read and annotate still for AP Gov and Politics.  (I'm going to love the class and the books are interesting, but I. HATE. ANNOTATING.  When you've been reading at college levels for a while and can reach around 300-400 words per minute, it is the slowest, most time wasting drag.)

Other than that, life is okay.  I was having a good day after hearing about my scholarship possibilities, when I also got to read a new Raccoon Society post.  All the more reason to marry Mat Divine as he is, once again, hilariously funny.  My iPhone continues to suicide in new and profound ways.  And I can't get a new because I can't pay for it though my mom did say she would get me a new one and pay the bill if I get a job.  Unfortunately, I suck at that and will probably have a useless, yet still iPod kinda workable hunk of metal by my birthday. 

Watched Little Miss Sunshine twice, absolutely adore this movie.  Great acting, humor and attention to realism.  Also, the soundtrack alone can make me burst into a fit of joy.  Devotchka.  CHECK THEM OUT.  OR ELSE.  I Also re-watched Juno, still a really good movie even if it got smacked around by the popularity bandwagon.  I tried to watch (500) Days of Summer.  Had to turn it off.  The scene kid exclusivity was making me feel like puking.  And knowing the Smiths does not mean that you have love to the power of TwilightEver.

One thing that's amazing is that my favorite band, the only band I love and the only band I care about is having a concert in Chicago on the 15 of September, i.e around my birthday.  I would kill to get to see them.  Seriously.

Anyway, ttyl.

Miss Red

(P.S.- And I made that icon bitches BD )

music music music

I really do love music. 

So, over this vacation, I snatched a record from Urban Outfitters (The Postal Service's Give Up, I really need to find that store locally), read through my Alternative Press for this month, went through all the bands I saw there over the internet to see if any of them offered free music, was a little depressed when a lot of them didn't, but then I compensated by getting a new skin for my dying iPhone.

It was a great way to spend some of my vacation.  I also saw a lot of music posters at these little indie stores in key west.  And an awesome bookstore.

The bookstore in question.  No clue wht the name of it is.  Damn spotty memory.

Huge Hemingway section.  Huge.  

I also took a tour through Hemingway's house, it was really cool.  Still geeking out about it though, because we also got to see his writing studio.  No one was up there with me when I was looking, and, I don't know why, but I could just feel something ominously good in the energy.  I know I sound like a new age loony, but it was a spiritual experience.  And Hemingway, as a person was pretty cool, in the Napoleonic sense. 

But I've got to go feed some koi fish at my uncle's parent's house so this is me signing off from the Biltmore Hotel in Miami FLA.

Miss Red

currently in FLA...

... searching for the cast of Jersey Shore.

It's been a long while but I though I'd give everyone a sign that I'm alive.

Anyway, I'm just sitting here, waiting for breakfast, thinking about whether I like cherry or apple pie more.

Visited Hemingway's house, it was AMAZING. I got to see his writing studio, and no one else was near me so it was a rather spiritual experience. Got to see all of cats running around and went on a rather funny tour.

That's all.

It's nice here in paradise because the oil has finally stopped flowing for now,
Miss Red

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September 2010


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