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September 22nd, 2010

dark times...

A lot of my life I spend wondering.  Worrying would be more accurate, but wondering usually fits the bill.

And sometimes I wonder about scary things (death, bad things, karma, my soul, stuff like that) or I wonder about my future (how great I'll be, how I'm going to fuck it all up, etc) or I wonder about the good things to happen.  Usually, this wondering leaves me a little bit better, maybe a little more lost, but hopefully happier.

And other day's, it slaps me in the face and makes me it's bitch. 

I had a terrible day, which I could have easily prevented, and because I didn't stop and think, I screwed it up.  But! it also reminded me that people take things too seriously and that I worry more than I should and that and that and that...

*sigh* Life is difficult sometimes.  I've been knocked down more times then I can count and I don't know what pulls me back up anymore.  Do I push myself off the ground?  Do I do it for my friends? My family? Because I'm too scared to go deeper into the dirt?

I don't really know.  I wish I did have an answer; something to impart to the world, to help one person realize that they also have a comrade in pain.  But I don't have that answer. 

I guess this also ties to my views in religion... I believe in God, I need to, or I'd be much more worse off.  And so I thank him, whenever I remember to, for my friends, for my loved one's lost and my family and for my hero's.  

I don't really know where I'm going with this.

But it feels a bit better to say it.

Shout Outs: Glen Hansard, The Airborne Toxic Event, Smashing Pumpkins, My Friends, The Raccoon Society and Mat Devine

--Miss Red